ALF. Season 1, episode 9 (uncut version)

[SINGING "HAPPY BIRTHDAY"]
Thank you.
Thanks, everyone, thank you.
"To a super dad,
husband and earthling."	earthling = a human. This word is used in science fiction stories by creatures from other planets.
That was mine.
Well, thanks. Thanks, everyone.
I'm very, very touched.	touched = feeling happy or emotional, for example because someone has been very kind or because a situation is sad: He was touched by her care and concern.
- Thank you, dear.
KATE: Oh, happy birthday, darling.
BRIAN: Happy birthday, Daddy.
- Thank you, son.
- Many more, Dad.
- Thanks. Thanks, sweetheart.
Thank you, ALF. Thank...
Whoa, not bad.
Still waters run deep there, William.	Still waters run deep = used for saying that people who are shy or who do not say much often have very strong feelings or interesting ideas
- Blow out the candles.
- Okay. One, two, three.
[LAUGHING]
- Joke candles? Joke...?	joke candles = (prank/trick candles) are  novelty candles often used at children's birthday parties. These candles relight themselves, so it is almost impossible to blow them out.
- Yeah.
What is this, the fifth year now?
And I fall for it every single time.	fall for smth = to believe that a trick or a joke is true: How could you fall for such an obvious trick?
Hey, back off there, Willie-Bob.	back off = to move backwards in order to get further away from something: Everyone back off and let the doctor through.
Let me give it a shot.	give it a shot = to attempt to do something: I've never danced salsa before but I'll give it a shot.
KATE: ALF!
- What?
BRIAN: Speech.
LYNN: Speech, speech.
Okay, okay.
I was born the son
of a poor asteroid polisher.
I'm supposed
to be making the speech.
I think I know my life
better than you do.
But enough about me.
Thank you.
Well, I don't think I've got too much
to complain about, that's for sure.
I have my health,
I have a wonderful wife...
...I have two great kids...
...and an alien.
Okay, great speech.
Let's open the presents.
Okay, be right back. Come on, Brian.
I hope you got me jewelry.
ALF, it's Willie's birthday.
He's the one who gets the presents.
The guy who has the birthday
also gets the presents?
Talk about your wacky planet.	wacky = funny, or silly
Okay, Dad, close your eyes.
Okay, open.
KATE:
Happy birthday, darling.
Oh, Kate,
it's the Cambridge Atlas of Astronomy.
- Yeah.
- Thank you, sweetheart.
- Let me see this.
KATE: You're welcome.
WILLIE: I've been eyeing that	eye = to look at someone or something carefully: A group of local boys eyed them suspiciously.
in the bookstore for weeks.
I was gonna wait
until it came out in paperback, but...	paperback = a book with a cover made of thick paper. Paperback editions are usually cheaper than hardbacks.
- What are you doing?
- I'm correcting the more glaring errors.	glaring = a glaring mistake is very obvious
Look at this.
They left out the 10th planet, Dave.	leave out = to not include someone or something: She feels left out because the other children don’t play with her.
Give me that.
You know, I think you make things up.	make things up = invent, imagine things
You told me there was a race	race = a group of people who are similar because they have the same skin colour or other physical features
of cucumber people on Mars.
Not a race, a family.
A small family. They're mean.	mean = cruel, or unkind: Our teachers were just mean.
Here.
Happy birthday.
- Well, thanks. What is it?
- I don't know.
Something I found in the basement,
behind the chemical toilet.
- Oh, how thoughtful.
- Well, I can't exactly go out and shop.
No, I mean, it is charming. It's won...
It's very thoughtful, ALF, thank you.
Look at these. These are pictures.
These are our high-school,
our college pictures.
- Oh, my gosh, I don't believe this.
- There's old letters in there.
Mom, who is this gorgeous guy
with his arm around you?
Oh, that's Animal Hohnerheim.
Animal?
Your mother dated a lot
of gorgeous guys before she met me.
Not that I wasn't gorgeous myself.
Who is this guy
that looks like Harrison Ford?
Oh, that's Nolan Westwood.
Who's this guy
in the stupid-Iooking clothes?
That's a football uniform, ALF.
I know this guy. He's an old-timer.	old-timer = someone who has a lot of knowledge and experience because they have been doing something for a long time
What's his name?
- Joe...?
- Namath.
You dated Joe Namath?
The pantyhose guy? Wow.	pantyhose = women’s tights (a piece of women’s clothing that tightly covers the feet and legs up to the waist)
Mom, you really went out
with some hunks.	hunk = a strong and sexually attractive man
But I married the best hunk
of them all.
Oh, my gosh, here's a menu.
Oh, look, it's an old menu...
...from that little restaurant
that Kate and I discovered.
Let's order.
The restaurant's been closed
for 20 years.
- Then why are we ordering?
WILLIE: We're not ordering.
Oh, honey,
look what we wrote on the back.
- It's our list.
- What list?
Well, your father and I
each made a list...
...of things that we wanted
to accomplish in our lives.	accomplish = to succeed in doing something, especially something that you have been trying to do for a period of time: We didn’t accomplish much at work this week.
- You know, goals, dreams.
- Can I see it?
Look what Mom wrote:
"To ski the Eagle's Nest
at Squaw Valley.
To have a poem published
in a major literary magazine.
To run with the bulls at Pamplona"?	Pamplona is the capital of northern Spain's Navarre province. It’s best known for the Running of the Bulls (Fiesta de San Fermín). During this legendary multi-day festival in July, bulls are led through the city streets by daredevil runners.
She did all that too.
Wow, Kate,
you little overachiever, you.	overachiever = one who achieves success over and above the standard or expected level especially at an early age
Yeah, way to go, Mom.	Way to go! = used for telling someone that they have done something well, or that you are proud of their achievement: Way to go, Mary! Keep up the good work.
Oh, well, you know how I am with lists.
I love crossing things off.	cross smth off = to draw a line through something on a list to show that you have dealt with it: The children say their names, and you cross them off.
- Where's your list, Dad?
- Oh, it's in there.
I think I wrote it
under the Catch of the Day.	catch = an amount of fish that have been caught Catch of the Day is probably the part of the restaurant menu which offers fish dishes
Let me see that. I may want sea bass.	sea bass is a common fish name
We're not ordering.
All right, all right.
Let me read this. Wait a minute.
"Willie Tanner, Goals and Ambitions.
Number one:
To build a better mousetrap."	mousetrap = a small object used for catching and killing mice
That must have been a piece of cake.	a piece of cake = something that is very easy: The interview was a piece of cake.
Not exactly.
I'm still working on that one.
"Number two: Complete that skydive."	skydiving is a sport of jumping out of a plane and falling for as long as possible before opening your parachute. Someone who does this is a skydiver.
"Complete that skydive"?
How do you skydive just a little bit?
Do you jump halfway?
No, you...
You get ready to jump...
...have second thoughts,	have second thoughts = to begin to doubt a decision that you have already made: I think she’s having second thoughts about leaving London.
you go back to your seat, you sit down.
Oh, you chicken out.	chicken out = to not do something you were going to do because you are too frightened: I was going to tell her how much it really cost, but I chickened out.
- You decide not to jump.
- You come to your senses.	come to your senses = a) regain consciousness; b) start to think and behave reasonably
- You have second thoughts.
- You decide not to be stupid.
All right, all right.
- You chicken out.
- You chicken out.
Now, how about
some of that wet cake?
Yeah.
- Yo, Willie.
- Yo.
- What are you working on?
- My mousetrap.
Uh-huh.
You might have a little trouble
slipping that baby behind a refrigerator.	baby (here) = a project or piece of work that you care about a lot, especially because it was your idea: Steve has always seen the book as his baby. slip = to slide something into a place or position
Say, don't you have some sleeping to do?
No, I always wake up around 3,
3:30...
...have a couple of potatoes,
and wait for my paper.	paper = newspaper
- What a life.
- So far no complaints.
- Want a cold spud?	spud = a potato
- No. No, thanks.
I ate the rest of the cake.
I should tell you that now.
- That's okay.
- And the candles.
Listen...
...ALF, I'd really like
to finish this thing.
Why bother?
Well, because I like
to finish something I start.
You never finished that skydive.
You ever set goals for yourself
that you weren't able to accomplish?
- No.
- None?
Melmacians don't set goals, Willie.
We live from moment to moment.
- From snack to snack.
- Yes.
We take time to stop and smell the potatoes.	We take time to stop and smell the potatoes. There is a well-known quote by Walter Hagen: “You’re only here for a short visit. Don’t hurry, don’t worry. And be sure to smell the flowers along the way. ” (1956 The Walter Hagen Story) ALF alters the quote a bit.
You ever jump out of a moving plane?	You ever jump = Did you ever jump…?
- Hey, you wanna be alone, just tell me.
- No, no, I mean, did you ever skydive?
- I fell to Earth at Mach 16.	Mach = a unit for measuring the speed of an object such as an aircraft in comparison with the speed of sound. For example, Mach 5 is five times the speed of sound.
- What was that like?
Imagine Mach 8 and double it.
- Weren't you scared?
- Not once I started plummeting.	plummet = to fall straight down very quickly from a high position
Hey, Willie, don't worry about it.
You don't have to prove anything.
You're a good provider.
You've got a couple of great kids
and an alien.
You don't run around...
...and your life is incredibly predictable and safe.
[THUDS]
There's my paper. Ciao.
- Kate?
- Yeah?
You ever hear from Nolan?
- Nolan who?
- Nolan Westwood.
No, why?
I don't know, I just wondered
if you'd heard from him since...
...you know, since college.
Well, actually,
I heard that he went to New Guinea...
...and never came back.
Oh, that's too bad.
Some tribe made him their king.
- Why do you ask?
- Oh, nothing. I was just...
I was just curious.
Does he have any real power, or is he just a figurehead?	figurehead = a leader who has no real power or influence, especially a leader of a political party
Well... ...he's on the stamps.	he's on the stamps means that his portrait is printed on the country’s postal stamps
What about Joe?
- Joe who?
- You know, the football guy.
- Theismann?
- No, Joe Namath.
Did you go out with Joe Theismann too?	go out with = to have a romantic or sexual relationship with someone and spend a lot of time with them
No, honey, just Namath.
Why are you bringing all this up?	bring smth up = to start discussing a subject
Kate, do you think of me
as incredibly predictable and safe?
Yes.
That's why I'm here with you right now.
Now go to sleep.
You have a busy day tomorrow.
Yeah, I gotta take the wagon	wagon = a type of car
and get the radiator flushed.	get the radiator flushed means clearing the radiator of a car
After that
I'm gonna stop at the hardware...	hardware shop is a shop that sells metal goods and things for your home or garden such as pans, knives, tools, and chemical products
...see if the lawn sprinkler's come in yet.	lawn sprinkler = a piece of equipment used for automatically sprinkling water on plants or grass in a garden
I'm having lunch with Cousin Vern...
...who will talk to me about his new edger.	edger = a garden tool used to cleanly separate a lawn from a walkway or other paved surface, such as a concrete sidewalk or asphalt path.
After that...
...I've decided I'm gonna go skydiving.
KATE: Mm.
- Good night, dear.
- Night.
[ELGAR'S "POMP AND CIRCUMSTANCE"
PLAYS OVER SPEAKERS]
[CRACKING]
Excuse me. Where am...? Where am I?
You're at your graduation.	graduation = a ceremony at which you are given a university degree or other qualification
- Well, what am I graduating from?
- This is a dream, Tanner.
Its purpose is to point out
how inadequate you are...
...compared to everybody else.
That sounds like fun.
Would you mind
standing off to the side?
[MUSIC STOPS]
Nolan Westwood,
come on out and accept your diploma.
[CROWD APPLAUDING]
Congratulations, Nolan,
on being a successful unicyclist...	unicyclist = a person who rides a unicycle (a vehicle like a bicycle with a single wheel)
...world traveler
and New Guinean king.
Thank you.
Here are some stamps and coins.
- He's on the money too?
- Tanner, quiet.
- I'm sorry.
- Listen, I've gotta go.
They're having a little ceremony
for me back home.
I'm being bumped up from king to god.	bump up = to move someone to a better position or job; promote
- Congratulations, Nolan.
- Thanks, bub.	bub = an aggressive or rude way of addressing a boy or man
You've really...
You've really done quite well.
You're telling me.
I've led a life of travel and adventure.
I'm rich, I'm famous.
I have a species of bird named after me.
I'll have my mortgage paid off	mortgage = a legal agreement in which you borrow money from a bank in order to buy a house. You pay back your mortgage by making monthly payments.
in eight years.
Unless we refinance, of course.	refinance = to replace one loan with another one on which you pay less interest
Kate and I are still kicking that around.	kick smth around = to discuss an idea or suggestion in an informal way: We kicked around a few ideas.
Yeah, say hi to her for me, will you?
What a cutie.
Your mortgage will be paid off.
Next up, Lyle "Animal" Hohnerheim...
...jetsetter, yachtsman,	jetsetter = a person who travels frequently; often, it is used to describe someone in high society with a glamorous life. An example of a jet setter is an heiress who flies off to Paris to shop.
international financier.
Come on out here, Animal,
and get your diploma...
...you rich guy, you.
[CROWD APPLAUDING]
Thank you, Dean Houseman.
- Wow, have you done well.
- Yeah, I'm quite a guy.
You've won the Indianapolis 500,	Indianapolis 500  is an automobile race held annually at Indianapolis Motor Speedway
you're listed in the Fortune 500...	Fortune 500 is an annual list of the five hundred most profitable US industrial corporations
...and in the National League, you've batted 500.	bat = to hit the ball with a bat in a game such as baseball or cricket
Listen, I gotta run.
We're having 500 people over for dinner tonight.
Animal.
No, we've already got somebody
to park the cars.
No, no, no. I just wanted to say hello.
I'm Willie Tanner.
- Tanner?
- I married Kate Halligan.
Kate Halligan.
Say hello to her for me, will you?
You know, she is one in 500.
And now... ...our next recipient needs no introduction.
Ladies and gentlemen, Joe Namath.
[CROWD APPLAUDING]
Hey, Joe, go on out for a long one, huh?
- Just kidding. Here you go, Joe.
- Thanks. Say, what's going on here?
Willie's having a dream.
- Willie!
- Hello, Joe.
I'm sorry to drag you into this.
Oh, hey, that's cool.
I've been doing a lot of dreams lately.
Next week
I'm doing a Howard Cosell nightmare.	Howard Cosell was an American sports journalist
Oh, gee, Joe,	gee = used to express a reaction such as surprise or admiration
you've done awfully well.	awfully = really
Say, would you autograph this for my son, Brian?
Oh, absolutely.
- There you go.
- Thanks, Joe.
"To Brian: Tell your mom hello."
You know what?
I always think about what Kate said
when I proposed to her.
Yeah. And that's how I got
the bad knees, by the way: Kneeling.	bad knees = the word “bad” is used speaking about a part of your body that is causing you pain or is not working well: a bad back/leg/stomach You shouldn’t try these exercises if you have a bad heart.
She said, "Broadway..."
She always called me Broadway.
She said, "Thanks, but no thanks.
I'm looking for someone that's predictable and safe."
So long, Willie.	So long! = used for saying goodbye to someone who you know well
I'm going skydiving tomorrow.
"I'm going skydiving tomorrow."
You had your chance.
And now it gives me great pleasure
to introduce our Man of the Century...
...someone whose accomplishments
put the rest of us to shame.
A person of whom it can truly be said:
He changed the way
we look at the world.
Ladies and gentlemen,
I give you Gordon "ALF" Shumway.
[CROWD APPLAUDING]
- ALF.
- Hey, ALF, great to see you.
- Way to go.	Way to go! = used for telling someone that they have done something well, or that you are proud of their achievement: Way to go, Mary! Keep up the good work.
- What a guy.
He's the best.
- Say, ALF, can I have your autograph?
- Sure, Joe.
Wait till my friends see this.
- There you go.
- Thanks.
- ALF?
- Willie.
- ALF?
- Willie.
You're the Man of the Century?
Yeah, what a surprise.
I was happy just to be nominated.
What a kick.	kick = a feeling of excitement or pleasure
- Well, congratulations.
- Thanks.
Hey, Willie, you never know.
Next century, it could be you.
I don't think so.
Hey, come on. Don't be so negative.
All you have to do is take this parachute
and jump, Willie.
[CHANTING]
Jump. Jump.
Jump, jump, jump.
- Jump, jump, jump.
- Jump, jump.
- Jump, Willie, jump.
- Yeah, now, hit, roll, huh?
Hit, roll.
How was that?
I thought the roll was supposed to come
right after the hit.
You mean there was a pause
between the two?
There was enough time
to send out for pizza.
Now, that's a thought.
- Can I try it?
- Yeah, sure.
Come on. Hit, roll, huh? Hit, roll.
Hit, roll. Yes, yes, yes.
There's nothing to this skydiving stuff.	there's nothing to = something that you say in order to tell someone that something is very easy to do: 'I heard rollerblading was really difficult.' 'Nah, there's nothing to it.'
It's boring.
- Let's take a break here.
- Yeah, good idea.
You know, ALF,
I had the strangest dream last night...
...and you were in it.
- No kidding.
- Yeah. It was really weird.	weird = strange
There was you...
...and then these three guys
that Kate used to go out with.
- What's weird about that?
- Well, what were you doing in it?
Now that you've brought it up...	bring smth up = to start discussing a subject
...I think Kate's been
coming on to me lately.	come on to smb = to behave towards someone in a way that shows you would like to have a sexual relationship with them
I really think you're mistaking friendliness
for something else.
Then I guess I shouldn't have sent her flowers.
- You sent my wife flowers?
- Okay, break's over.
[BLOWS WHISTLE]
Let's get on with this, come on.	get on with smth = to go on, progress
Enough of this idle chitchat.	idle = not doing anything, when there are things that you should do: Don’t worry. I have not been idle while you were away. chitchat = friendly conversation about things that are not very important
Hit, roll.
Hit, roll.
Yeah.
- How about it?
- Not bad.
If that had been a real jump...
...you'd have just driven your femur into your spleen.	femur = the bone in the top part of your leg, above your knee. A less technical name for this is the thigh bone spleen = the organ in your body that removes dead red cells from your blood and produces white cells
Oh, Willie, the flowers are beautiful.
Honey, what's the occasion?
It's just because he loves you, that's all.
Oh, honey, I love you too.
What's going on here?
Oh, I was just practicing my hit-and-roll.
- That's skydiving lingo.	lingo = the words that are mainly used by people who do a particular activity or job the usual bureaucratic lingo
- Sky...?
So that is what you said last night.
Yeah, I decided
I'm gonna take the plunge.	take the plunge = to finally do something important, difficult, or dangerous after thinking about it He took the plunge and asked her to marry him.
- And don't try talking him out of this.	talk smb out of doing smth = to persuade someone not to do something
- ALF, do you mind?
- You're serious about this, aren't you?
- Yep.	Yep! = an informal way of saying “yes”
Why are you doing this?
I'm doing this because I feel I have to do this.
Because of something you wrote on a menu 25 years ago?
- I thought it was 20.
- ALF.
Twenty-five years ago...
...five people went up in a plane
and four people jumped.
You didn't jump because you didn't wanna jump.
I didn't jump because I was afraid to jump.
You're not afraid now?
I am afraid...
...but I feel that this is something I have to do.
If jumping out of an airplane
at 5000 feet is that important to you...
...you should do it.
We'll be there watching.
Five thousand feet?
I thought they said it was 4000.
I think it's 10,000.
We're nearing the drop zone.	near = to come closer to a particular place drop zone = an area in which skydivers land
[CHEERING]
- Are we pumped?	pumped = very excited or enthusiastic about something
- We're pumped!
Oh, we're pumped, all right.
We're pumped as can be.
- Pumped as a tire, in fact.	tire (American English)/tyre (British English) = a thick rubber cover that fits round the wheel of a bicycle, car, or other vehicle
- Good, that's what I like to hear.
- Mr. Tanner.
- Yeah?
I noticed here you didn't check off the life-insurance box.	check off = to put the symbol ✓ next to something on a list to show that you have dealt with it (“tick off” means the same) life-insurance box = a space on a printed form, in which you write: Tick the boxes that apply to you.
- Oh, I'm sorry.
- That'll be two bucks.	bucks = dollars
I don't know,
would it be all right if I paid you later?
Good one. Oh, what a sport.	sport = someone who always behaves in a reasonable way and is always willing to help Andy was a real sport and agreed to play for the other team.
We are now directly over the drop zone.
Skydivers, prepare for flight...
...and watch out for that first step.	watch out for = to be careful of something: Watch out for snakes!
Ha, ha, ha.
Good one.
Are you doing this for fun, or do you have a list too?
- Excuse me?
- Oh, never mind.
It's my first time.
- Nervous, huh?
- Yeah, a little.
Nothing to worry about.
Just like jumping off a cliff.
- Collins!
- Yo.	Yo! = used for getting someone’s attention, or for greeting someone
- Polmanski!
- Yo.
- Barna!
- Yo.
Hey, listen, if anything happens to me,
tell them no life-support systems.	life-support system = a set of machines that keep someone alive when they are very ill
- Gotcha.	Gotcha! = used for showing that you understand what someone is telling you: ‘You know what I’m saying?’ ‘Yeah, gotcha.’
- Yeah!
- Tanner!
- Present, yes.	present = in a particular place
- You're supposed to say, "Yo."
- Oh, right. Yo.
Listen, here's what I've decided.
I can't do this. I won't do it.
I mean, I don't need to do it,
so I'm not going to do it.
That's what I wanted to tell you.
As I was sitting back there,
I was listening to everybody say, "Yo,"...
...and I thought to myself,
"Do I really want to plummet?"
And I had to admit, no,
I don't feel like plummeting.
So I'm not gonna do it.
I'm gonna go back over there
and I'm gonna sit down.
That's where I'll be,
right over there, okay?
What?
Oh, nothing.
What the hell.
[SCREAMING]
[MEOWS]
LYNN: ALF! ALF!
- In here!
- What are you doing?
- Building a better cat trap.	trap = a piece of equipment used for catching animals
- How'd the jump go?
- Great. He did it.
- Yeah.
- Nice going, Willie.
- Hey, let's hear it for the Tan Man.
- That's right.
Thank you, thank you.
Thank you very much. Thank you.
It was nothing.
It was like jumping off a cliff.
- Are you gonna do it again?
- Not in your lifetime.
Well, I'm gonna jump
as soon as Lash gets his pilot's license.
I think we'll all jump
when Lash gets his pilot's license.
ALF, you would've been really,
really, proud of him.
I was proud of him before he jumped.
You said he'd end up a red smear	smear = a dirty mark made by rubbing something
on the landscape.
I said he might end up a red smear	end up = to be in a particular place or state after doing something or because of doing it
on the landscape.
Well, honey, tell me,
what's next for the conquering hero?
Oh, well, I don't know.
I was thinking about that
on the way down.
I'd still like
to discover that new galaxy.
I don't know, maybe play pro football
for a couple of years...
...take the whole gang,
move to New Guinea.
Of course, first...
...I have to get the radiator flushed.
[LAUGHING]
[THUDS]
What?