ALF. Season 1, episode 8 (uncut version)

Here you go, Bri. Bring the plates.
[ALF BELCHES]
Nice meal, Kate, even though
the portions were extremely small.
I'm sorry we only had one pot roast.
Guess what, the most exciting thing
just happened.
Scott Maynard wants to keep
all of his band equipment in our garage.
Goodness, that is exciting.
Who's Scott?
He's that guy I told you about from school.
- New boyfriend, huh?
- Not yet.
- Boyfriend?
- You should see him, he's gorgeous.
Better looking than me?
Well, he's different.
He has darker hair.
And less of it.
I see.
Dad, he's got this band...
...and they keep their instruments
in his garage.
But Scott's dad's having this garage sale.
If Scott doesn't get his stuff out of there tonight...
...he'll sell it all for $5.
So is it okay?
Is what okay? I missed most of that.
Please, Dad.
He wants to come over tonight.	come over = to visit someone in the place where they are, especially their house: Why don’t you come over for dinner?
- Tonight?
- Yeah, tonight.
In about 15 minutes, if Dad says yes.
I thought we had a date.
You and Lynn have a date?
We're gonna redecorate my room.
I'm sorry, ALF.
We'll have to redecorate another time.
I see.
- Mom, can I borrow your pink sweater?
- Your father hasn't said yes yet.
Dad, Scott could've called anybody
in school about this, but he chose me.
I see.
Please, Dad, it's just for two days.
I suppose Scott can keep his instruments here.
Thanks, Dad. Mom?
- Yes, you can use the pink sweater.
- Thanks.
Well, guess it's just me and my swatches.	swatch = a small piece of cloth used as an example of a larger piece
Remember the decorating rules.
The decorating consists of a couple
of posters, maybe a coat of paint.
Boy, you would have been a lot of fun
during the Renaissance.
- How many more trips?
- Just a couple more.
I really appreciate this.
Everybody in the band does.
Well, if you invite me to the next
G-Men show, we'll call it even.	call it even = to acknowledge or consider a situation or exchange as being equal or equitable, as regarding debt, status, ability, a contest, etc.:  I'll pay the internet bill if you'll pay the electricity bill, and then we'll just call it even.
We're not the G-Men anymore.
Some other band had that name,
so we changed it. See?
Um, wasn't there already a band called The Doors?	The Doors were an American rock band formed in 1965 in Los Angeles
You're kidding. There was?
Oh, but that's okay.
There's probably nobody alive
who still remembers them.
So how come a cute girl like you	how come = used when you want to know why something has happened or why a particular situation exists: How come you’re not at work today?
isn't out on Friday night?
Oh, I am. Usually.
But, oh, you know...
...sometimes I like to stay home...
...and, you know, see my family.
Oh, I'm taking up your time with your family...
No. No, I saw them.
- Listen, Lynn. I'm...
- ALF.
- What?
- Uh...
Nothing. Just ALF.
Oh.
Well, there's a basketball game tomorrow night...
...and I was wondering
if you'd wanna go with me.
- Me?
- Well, you don't have to say yes.
- It's kind of short notice...	short notice = only a short time before something happens
- No.
- What?
- No, I mean yes, that sounds like fun.
Great. How about 7:00?
- What's wrong?
- Nothing. Just a locust.	locust = a type of grasshopper that flies over wide areas in very large groups called swarms, often destroying crops
All right, here. Put this up.
What are you guys doing?
Wallpapering the screens.
Wallpapering the screens is not redecorating.
It's a matter of taste.
Take that down and throw it away.
There you go. Take her right down.
Take her outside and throw it away.
BRIAN: Yes, Mom.
Kate, I need some advice.
Here is some advice:
Don't ever do this again.
No, no.
I need some advice about women.
Women don't go for this kind of thing.	go for = to like a particular type of person or thing: I don’t really go for horror films.
I got the message.	get the message = to understand what someone is trying to tell you, even if they do not say it directly: I don’t want to see him any more. Why doesn’t he get the message?
I was wrong. Kill me.
Okay, ALF. What is it?
I'm asking you this, Kate,
because you're a beautiful woman.
I mean that, I really do.
Well, I don't know if I think of myself
quite like that, but...
Ha. Beautiful and modest too.
What is it that you wanna know?
Let's say a certain friend was attracted
to a certain beautiful woman...
Are you still writing letters to Connie Chung?	Connie Chung is an American journalist
No. It's someone a lot closer than that.
Actually, it's someone in this house.
Oh.
And you wanna know how to win her over?	win smb over = to gain the support or consent of (someone)
Yeah. I mean, let's dip into your past.	dip = go down
What did Willie do
to sweep you off your feet?	sweep smb off one’s feet = to have a strong effect on someone so that they quickly become attracted to you: He was hoping to sweep her off her feet, but she just laughed.
Let me see.
Yeah. Yeah, we had been going
together four or five months...
...and this one day we were talking
about food or something...
...and I mentioned that I liked
cream of mushroom soup.	cream of mushroom soup = a simple type of soup where a basic roux is thinned with cream or milk and then mushrooms and/or mushroom broth are added
So the next day I go to my car...
...and inside are 500 cans of cream of mushroom soup.
You're saying I should
do something pathetic?	pathetic = useless or not effective in an annoying way
It wasn't pathetic. It was romantic.
What would you suggest other than soup?
Oh, I don't know.
Flowers, candy.
How about a poem?
I mean, that's personal, l...
A woman would love it...
...and it doesn't involve wallpaper or glue.
A poem. That's perfect!
I was somewhat of a bard on Melmac, you know.
You've written poems?
Ever hear of this one?	Ever hear…? = Did you ever hear…?
Jason, Jason, he's our man
If he can 't do it, nobody can
I thought that was Keats.	John Keats = was an English Romantic poet
I'll start now.
There once was a young man
From Venus
ALF!
- ALF.
- What?
I thought the rule was you were to ask
before you use my tools.
Sorry. May I?
- Yes, you may.
- See? You're still in charge.
- Why do you need the tools for, anyway?
- I'm trying to fix Scott's piano.
He must've broken it
when he dragged it in here.
ALF, you have to turn it on.
[PIANO PLAYS]
Oh.
Didn't you learn about electronic music on Melmac?
Ancient history wasn't my best subject.
What are you doing here, anyway?
Well, I wrote a poem for someone
and I want to put it to music.
As you may or may not know...
...many people think
I am musically inclined.	inclined = someone who is technically inclined, musically inclined etc is good at or interested in technical work, music etc
Name three.
I don't think I have to name names.
May I see the poem?
Take a look at me
And tell me what you see
Just another pretty face?
It's very amusing.
Then there's the chorus.	chorus = the part of a song that does not change and is repeated several times
I can 't get no satisfaction	“I can 't get no satisfaction” is a line from the Rolling Stones song
Shouldn't that be
"I can't get any satisfaction"?
Forget it. That's an old draft.	draft = something such as a plan, letter, or drawing that may have changes made to it before it is finished: I showed David a draft of the letter and he suggested a few changes.
Now, let's wail...	wail = to shout or cry with a long high sound to show that you are in pain or are very sad: The baby wailed all night.
...in something in the key of D.	See the chart of music keys here: music keys
May I suggest key of E flat?
It's more euphonious.
Great. We need more euphoniousness.
[SINGING] Take a look at me
And tell me what you see
Just another pretty face?
[GAGGING]
- It's nice, huh?
- Oh, yeah. Yeah, it's de-Iovely.	It’s De-Lovely is a song by Ella Fitzgerald: "It's delightful, it's delicious, It's delectable, it's delirious, It's dilemma, it's delimit, it's deluxe, It's de-lovely".
Well, thank you. Thank you.
Feel free to use that.	“Feel free to [do smth] = used for telling someone that they can do something if they want to: Feel free to contact us at any time.
I don't need any credit.	give smb credit for smth = to believe that someone is good at something or has a particular good quality: She’s a much better actor than people give her credit for.
[WILLIE HUMMING]
I'll call you
if I ever audition for Hee Haw.	Hee Haw is an American TV variety show
Yeah, now we're cooking.	"Now you're cooking!" = a phrase, often given in response, meaning that the subject has switched to a more suitable or more efficient approach: Alice: "Why are you still using that old software? You should try out the new version." Bob: "Hey, this is really nice; much better than that crufty stuff we were using before." Alice: "Now you're cooking!"
I put Brian to bed. He didn't even
wake up when I took off his shoes.
Mmm. It's so nice to have a quiet moment.
I thought Lynn would be home before now.
The game might've gone into overtime.
[PHONE RINGS]
Oh, maybe that's her.
Hello. Oh, hello, Mrs. Ochmonek.
What loud rock music?
From our garage?
I'll make sure that he doesn't
do it again. Brian, I mean.
Make sure that he doesn't play his electric guitar...
...right, too loudly.
Or his saxophone.
Or his drums.
Good night, Mrs. Ochmonek.
I have a good guess, but you go first.
Well, when I left,
ALF was writing a song.
I think it might have grown.
A song?
- Oh, no.
- What?
Willie, I think that ALF wrote that song for me.
For you?
I might as well tell you this.	might as well = used for saying that it would not make any difference if you did something else: The meeting was a complete waste of time. I might just as well have stayed at home.
ALF has a crush on me.	crush = a feeling of love and admiration for someone, often someone you know you cannot have a relationship with: It wasn’t really love, just a schoolgirl crush.
[LAUGHING]
- Well, that's not the craziest thing ever.
- No, no.
I'm sorry. No, of course it's not. No.
Let's just drop it, okay?	drop = to stop what you are doing in order to do something else: He told me to drop everything and come over straight away.
Besides, actually, I know someone
who does have a crush on you.
Actually, it's not a crush.
It's quite serious.
- Oh, really?
- Mm-hm.
- And you know something?
- What?
ALF is in the garage and Lynn is gone.
Brian's asleep.
We're...
We're all alone.
I'm not sure
I remember what this is like.
Well...
...may I remind you?
- Willie.
- Yes, I'll wear the red pajamas.
No, are you sure
that ALF is in the garage?
Let's just for a moment not think about ALF.
Let's say to ourselves, there is no ALF.
There is no ALF.
Go for it, Willie.	Go for it! = used for encouraging someone to do something or to try very hard
Yeah!
- What are you doing here?
- Looking for Lynn.
She's still out with Scott.
I see.
ALF, we've had complaints from the neighbors.
Well, I'm not surprised.
She's setting a bad example
for all the other daughters.
How's the song coming?
It's not just a song, it's a rock video.
ALF, you made a rock video?
Yeah, and it wasn't easy, either.
That equipment of yours
is hardly state of the art.	state of the art = state-of-the-art equipment or technology uses the newest and most advanced ideas and features, it is modern, contemporary, advanced
Willie, he made a rock video.
Yeah, for Lynn.
You made it for Lynn?
Yeah.
I see.
What's the matter?
Nothing. Nothing at all.
Too much caffeine?
Will you try to show a little sensitivity?	sensitivity = the quality of understanding how someone feels and being careful not to offend them
Say, you're not really upset because
ALF has a crush on Lynn, are you?
- Yes, I am.
- Kate.
But it's not because it isn't me.
I don't like the idea of ALF
having a crush on our daughter.
Well, it couldn't possibly lead to anything.
Could it?
I hope not.
I'd like to be able to show people
pictures of our grandchildren.
But as long as there's no romantic involvement, I'm okay.
Well, does that go for you and me
right now?
Not at all.
[LYNN LAUGHING]
Scott, you are so funny.
Singing into a parking meter	parking meter = a machine in the street that you put coins into to pay for leaving your car there
like it was a microphone.
Yeah, I guess it was kind of cute.
And then when you tapped
the meter and said, "Is this on?"...
...I thought I was gonna die.
Well, I'd have been glad
to give you mouth-to-mouth.	mouth-to-mouth resuscitation = a way of making someone breathe again after they have stopped, by blowing air into their mouth to fill their lungs
What a yutz.	yutz = a foolish, incompetent, awkward, or contemptible person (from the Yiddish language)
You know, Lynn, I had a nice time.
That's no joke.
Me too.
I really would like to see you again.
Are you free next Friday?
No.
- Who was that?
- Uh...
- My dad.
- Your dad?
He seemed like such a nice guy.
ALF: Hey, zit face. Go home	zit = a small raised infected mark on your face
and make a Clearasil sandwich.	Clearasil is an American brand of skin care and acne medication
Oh. Well, he's a little tired.
ALF:
How about it, sequoia neck?	sequoia = an extremely tall tree that grows in the US, especially in California
You gonna walk
or do I turn on the hose?
I don't wanna get this jacket wet.
- No, no. Scott.
- He sounds like he means business.
Look, he may not even be
talking about you.
Maybe he's watching a movie.
Or fighting with my mom.
He calls your mom "sequoia neck"?
Well, not very often.
ALF:
Hit the road, Scott.	Hit the road! = to leave, or to start a journey
I think he means me, Lynn.
See you.
Oh, hi. Who won the game?
ALF, how dare you insult Scott?	insult = to say or do something offensive: She has no right to insult us like that.
What is all this yelling about?
I was just getting rid of a vagrant.	vagrant = someone with no home or job who asks people for money
He made Scott leave.
If I hadn't scared the guy away,
he would've tried to kiss her.
I was hoping he would.
Well, just a small kiss.
That's the way it starts.
First a small kiss...
...the next thing you know, they're picking out drapes.	pick out = to choose drapes = curtains made of heavy cloth
What are you talking about?
I think I know.
- Close your robe, Willie.
- Oh.
ALF, ALF...
...I think it's time we discussed the facts of life...	facts of life = if you tell someone, especially a child, the facts of life, you tell them about sex and how babies are born: Parents are often embarrassed about telling their children the facts of life.
...as they apply to you and our teenage daughter.
Now, in case you don't know,
girls Lynn's age date teenage boys.
I've learned to accept that and I'm afraid
you're gonna have to do the same.
Fine. See if I care who she dates.
And you can forget about the song.
- What song?
- I said, forget it.
ALF wrote you a song.
And he made a video from it.
ALF, you wrote me a song?
Dad, can I talk to ALF alone?
Yeah, sure.
And in the morning, will you please call Scott...
...and tell him
I didn't mean those things I said.
Tell him I didn't say them.
Hey, get off my case, will you?	get off one’s case = to stop criticizing and annoying someone
I have not begun to get on your case,
mister, and if you think...
Dad.
"Get off my case."
Who does he think he is?
The robe, Willie, the robe.
ALF, can I see the video?
No. I decided it's for Connie Chung.
Are you sure I can't see it?
Well, just once.
Turn on the VCR.	VCR = Video Cassette Recorder, a piece of equipment used in the past for showing films recorded on video cassettes, recording television programmes etc
ALF, that's just a picture of the garage.
That's an establishing shot.
Now pay attention.
[ROCK MUSIC PLAYING]
[SINGING] Take a look at me
And tell me what you see
Just another pretty face?
Some clown from out of town
Who came to hang around
And look a little out of place
You say you wonder what on earth
I'm doing here
I'm only here to tell you, girl
I may be an unknown
From The Twilight Zone
But you're the one
Who 's out of this world
You're the one who 's out of this world
Sweet baby
You're the one
Who 's out of this world
I'm spinning in an orbit
I ain 't never been in
'Cause you're the one
Who 's out of this world
You're the one who 's out of this world
Sweet baby
You're the one
Who 's out of this world
I'm spinning in an orbit
I ain 't never been in
'Cause you're the one
Who 's out of this world
You're the one who 's out of this world
Sweet baby
You're the one
Who 's out of this world
I'm spinning in an orbit
I ain 't never been in
'Cause you're the one
Who 's out of this
You're the one
Who 's out of this
You're the one
Who 's out of this world
ALF, I don't know what to say.
How about "incredible"?
I can't believe you did this.
Nobody has ever done anything
this nice for me.
So you're going out with me Friday
instead of Scott?
One thing has nothing
to do with the other.
That's an entirely different subject.
I see.
Don't start "I seeing" me again.	Don't start "I seeing" me again. = Don’t tell me “I see” again and again.
I don't understand
why you're so mad at me.
Well, maybe it's because
I thought we...
We were...
Falling in love?
Yeah.
I do love you, ALF, but not in that way.
In what way?
In a male-female relationship kind of way.
- I see.
- ALF!
No, no, I really do.
I mean...
...I see that I'll have to understand
that we're just friends.
Good friends. Special friends.
I understand.
And how do you feel about this?
I'll get used to it.
Thank you.
So we going out Friday night or what?
Just kidding. Ha!
ALF, you're the one
that's out of this world.
Pan the room and ready. Action!	pan = if a camera pans, or if you pan it, it moves sideways slowly to film something else or to follow something that is moving
[SINGING ELTON JOHN'S "SATURDAY
NIGHT'S ALRIGHT FOR FIGHTING"]
More emotion!
Okay, cut, cut.	Cut! = something that film directors say when they want the actors and people making the film to stop for a short time
Now, that's where the smoke pot's
gonna go off, okay?	go off = to explode
Gee, I don't know, ALF.	Gee! = used to express a reaction such as surprise or admiration
This is just supposed to be
a little something for Kate.
Don't think little.
There are no small videos.
Just small directors.
- What're you guys doing?
- Nothing.
- You're making a video, aren't you?
- No.
Yeah. We are. I was hoping
we'd surprise your mom.
Oh, she'll love it.
Are you guys using smoke pots, stuff like that?
Yeah. And computer animation.
- Animation?
- How about rear projection?	rear projection effect =
- Dad could be water-skiing.
- Or swimming in lava.
In lava?
This is gonna be great.
Good luck, Dad.
I can't wait to see it when it's done.
All right, come on. Back to work.
And action!	Action! = a command given by a film director to indicate that filming is to begin
Two, three, four.
[SINGING "SATURDAY NIGHT'S
ALRIGHT FOR FIGHTING"]
ALF, I think I'm just gonna
stick with the red pajamas.	stick with smth = to continue to do or use something, and not change it
I'll bring the camera.
[SINGING] I'm spinning in an orbit
I ain't never been in
'Cause you're the one
Who 's out of this
You're the one
Who 's out of this
You're the one
Who 's out of this world