ALF. Season 1, episode 4 (uncut version)

We're ready to open the phone lines.
Today's topic:
0ur guests,
Undersecretary Simon Dryden...	undersecretary = in the US, an important government official whose rank is below secretary
... and Sammy Davis, Jr.
Hi, you're on the air.	on the air = on radio or television
Hello, Larry? ALF.
Yes, ALF. We haven 't heard from you
in a day or two now. How are you?
- Fine, Lare. How's the sore knee?
- Coming along.
Sammy, shalom.	shalom = used as a way of saying ‘hello’ and ‘goodbye’.. Shalom is the Hebrew word for ‘peace’.
So, what's up?	what's up = what is the matter?
Well, I've got the solution to this nuclear-bomb thing.
Great. Let's hear it.
Get rid of them. They're dangerous.
0kay.
Mr. Dryden,
would you like to respond?
DRYDEN:
Well, I think what you've done...
... Mr. ALF, is oversimplify the problem, somewhat.
Here it comes, Brian, better go get the shovel.
Mom, ALF is on the phone again.
I know, but it keeps him out of the kitchen.
- Where is your father?
- I don't know.
- Mom, I need to use the phone.
- In a minute, dear.
ALF, would you turn that down?	turn down = make the sound quieter
Sorry, Lare. Just some static.
Honey, hi. Where have you been?
Hi, Kate. I'm sorry I'm so late.
Daddy, I have got to get my own phone.
Oh, fine, thank you. And you?
Hi, B and A.
W.
Why didn't you call?
I'm sorry, I tried to call but somebody's been on the phone.
Hey, cut me a break.	cut me a break = give me a break
I'm trying to save your planet
from nuclear devastation, all right?
Well, then, go right ahead.
Nothing, Lare. Just a domestic spat.	spat = a short argument
Daddy, this is totally unfair.
All right,
we'll look into call waiting, okay?	look into = to try to discover the facts about something
Call waiting won't help.
I need my own phone line.
Kathy McDermott has her own phone line...
...and her family doesn't even have an alien.
Would they like one?
Willie, she's right.
We have to talk to ALF about the phone.
Right. ALF.
Yeah, but what do you do
when your sister glows in the dark?	glows = shines with a soft light
Oh, sorry. I didn't know that.
Brian, sit on the couch and finish your homework.
I'm gonna order some Chinese food.	gonna = going to
Listen, we've gotta talk about	gotta = got to
this phone thing.
Sorry, Dryden, no offense,
but we're getting nowhere here.	getting nowhere = to fail to achieve something, or to fail to be successful
Yeah, I may have to go over your head.	go over your head = to go to a more important or powerful person in order to get what you want: I was furious that he went over my head and complained to my manager.
Who's your boss?
The president of what?
All 50 of them?	There are 50 states in the USA.
- ALF, would you please...
- Well, where is he?
Well, don't they have a phone
on the president's plane?
Yeah. Yeah, right.
Well, why don't you
just give me that number?
Yeah, go ahead. What?	go ahead = to start or continue to do something, especially after waiting for permission
What do you mean?
Well, fine, be that way.
I'll look it up.	look smth up = find
All right, listen to me,
and listen carefully.
The use of the phone
is a privilege around here...
...not an inalienable right,	inalienable right = an inalienable right cannot be taken away from you or given to someone else
and I mean just that.
If you don't start showing
some consideration for us...
...that privilege will be revoked.	revoke = to officially say that something is no longer legal, for example a law or a document
Is that clear?
I can't concentrate here with all this noise.
Listen, Brian, when your dad's
through yelling at you...
...come on out with me
to the garage, all right?
ALF, I'm talking to you.
Not now, Willie, not now.
I'm on a mission.
Call me when dinner's ready.
Dad, why are you so mad at ALF?
When you grow up
and have an alien of your own...
...you'll understand.
ALF [SINGING]:
Meet George Jetson
[HUMMING "THE JETSONS" THEME SONG]	The Jetsons is an American animated sitcom (a television or radio series about a particular group of characters who deal with situations in a humorous way).
His daughter, Judy
[HUMMING "THE JETSONS" THEME SONG]
His boy, uh...
His boy, uh...
Hey, Willie, quick.
What's the Jetson kid's name? Leroy?
- Elroy.
- That's it.
Now listen, ALF, the food came.
I thought maybe we could eat out here...
...have a little chat.
I'd like that.
What happened here?
That's twice-cooked pork.	twice-cooked pork is a Chinese dish. The dish's ingredients include pork, which is simmered, sliced and stir fried, and commonly stir fried vegetables such as cabbage, bell peppers, onions, or scallions with a sauce.
Looks like twice-eaten pork.
All right, ALF, listen. I'm not sure
I had your full attention earlier...
I hate to interrupt you,
but could you hand me a screwdriver?	hand = give, pass screwdriver
- Yeah, sure.
- Philips.
Okay.
- Here you go.	Here you go. = used when you are offering or giving something to someone
- Thanks.
You know, ALF, we've all got to
do our part to get along here.	get along = be friendly to each other
- You see, a family is like...
- Pliers.	pliers = a metal tool that looks like a strong pair of scissors, used for holding small objects or for bending or cutting wire
Yes, or a crescent wrench.	crescent wrench
Each one adjusts to each little situation
as need be...
- Hand me the pliers.
- Oh, yeah.
Listen, here's what I'm trying to say.
Go for it.	Go for it = used for encouraging someone to do something or to try very hard
It's a question of respect...
...and cooperation, of course.
And courtesy.
The three C's:
Cooperation, courtesy and respect.
Well, two C's and an R,
but you see what I mean, huh?
Absolutely. Look, would you hold
this wire while I turn on the juice?	juice = something such as fuel or electricity that makes an engine or machine work
- Sure.
- Right there.
You know, that's my shortwave radio.
Do you know how long I...?
Long.
It took me 10 years to put that thing together.
I'm glad to see you haven't wasted your life.
First the phone and now the radio.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
What about the phone?
You're on it all the time.
Hey, operators are standing by.	stand by = be ready to do smth
I've got calls to make.
It's got to stop.
Fine. First, I can't use the radio,
now I can't use the phone.
What next?
The curling iron? Your toothbrush?	curling iron
You used my toothbrush?
Yours is the green one, right?
It was.
All right, what's the big deal?	What's the big deal? = used for showing that you do not think that something is very important
I'll use Kate's.
You're not using anybody's toothbrush.
Okay, no toothbrush.
What about the radio?
All right, just don't put it in your mouth.
Thanks. I'll be through in a minute...	be through = finish doing smth
...as soon as I contact Air Force One.
The president's plane?
No, no. You can't do that.
Willie, it's my duty.
I mean... I mean, I've been through
one nuclear disaster already.
It's no picnic.	no picnic = not easy or enjoyable
Nuclear? You mean,
that's how your planet exploded?
No. We all plugged our hair dryers in
at the same time.
Listen, ALF, even if you could
figure out how to call the president...	figure out = be able to understand something or to solve a problem
...you'd never get through	get through = be connected by telephone
because that signal's scrambled.	scramble = change the form of a radio message so that only someone with special equipment can understand it
So?
So it's illegal
to break a scrambled signal...
...and it's immoral.
What about you and Tootsie?
I beg your pardon.
Well, last week we all watched
Tootsie on HBO.	Tootsie is a 1982 American comedy film. HBO (Home Box Office) is an American premium cable and satellite television network.
Isn't HBO scrambled?
- Well, yes, but...
- But what?
Seeing that you don't pay for HBO,
isn't what you're doing illegal?
Immoral?
Absolutely not.
They gave us a two-week free trial
and they forgot to unhook it.	unhook = disconnect
Just put the radio back together
when you're finished.
No problem.
You gonna eat this food?
No, but leave it.
I'd like to see what it does
when it wakes up.
[SINGING]
George Jetson
His boy, Elroy
[HUMMING "THE JETSONS" THEME SONG]
[PHONE BUZZES]
Air Force One, Hogarth speaking.
How may I help you, sir or madam,
as the case may be.
ALF?
ALF who?
Mr. DeFoe.
Not now, Hogarth. I'm winning.
Yes, sir.
But perhaps you should take this call.
What does she want now?
It's not your wife, sir.
It's someone calling himself "ALF"
and he wants to talk to the president.
What? How did he get the code?
I don't know. Maybe from your wife.
That's a joke, sir.
Not funny, Hogarth.
Apparently not, sir.
- Do you wanna talk to ALF?
- ALF who?
I don't know, sir. All he said was ALF.
A-L-F.
A-L-F.
Maybe it stands for some radical,	stand for = if a letter, an abbreviation, or a symbol stands for something, that is what it means or represents: The letters US stand for United States.
subversive, commie, pinko group.	subversive = intended to destroy the power or influence of a government or an established belief commie = communist pinko = having communist tendencies
Could be a family name.
- Could you just look it up?	look up = find
- Looking, sir.
And get me a trace on this call.	trace on this call = discover where the call comes from
- Tracing, sir.
- Punch up the speaker.	punch up = switch on
- You should listen to this.
- Punching and listening, sir.
Hello? Can I help you?
It's about time.	It's about time = this should have happened long time ago
Is that you, Mr. President?
No, this is Mr. DeFoe.
The president is not available.
It's an airplane, how far can he be?
He's indisposed.	indisposed = unable to do smth
What does that mean?
He can't come to the phone now.
Why not?
He's busy.
Doing what?
He's in the bathroom.
Oh, he's indisposed.
- What do you want?
- Well, tell him it's about the bombs.
Bombs, sir?
What bombs would those be?
The bombs we're thinking about using.
Listen, tell the president I'm serious
and time is running out.	time is running out = if time is running out, you do not have long to do something
I'd like to settle this
before anybody pushes any buttons.
- Hogarth.
- Yes, sir.
- What've you got on A-L-F?
- Well, so far...
...we got the American Laundry Federation...
...and the Association of Lawn Fertilizer.
Shall we round them up?	round smb up = find and arrest them
Tracing's complete, sir.
Mister, about those bombs.
Shall I interpret this to be a threat?
0f course it's a threat.
What kind of question is that?
That's all I wanted to hear.
Get me the FBI.
Okay, I think I solved it.
Everybody give me your attention.
What are we watching?
- Tootsie.
- Oh, no.
Let's not watch that.
Let's not watch anything.
I want to show you my chart.
ALF: Yo, Willie.
- Yeah. What?
Quick question:
What does FBI stand for?	stand for = if a letter, an abbreviation, or a symbol stands for something, that is what it means or represents: The letters US stand for United States.
Federal Bureau of Investigation. Why?	Federal Bureau of Investigation = The Federal Bureau of Investigation (FBI) is the domestic intelligence and security service of the United States.
Just curious.
Well, what do you think?
It's very nice, dear.
This shows our whole family, aliens inclusive...
...and when each of us can use the phone.
Oh, honey, I'm sorry
but Brian can't stay up till 11:00.
Oh, no, that's a mistake.
We'll switch that with Lynn's time
to call her boyfriend.
Daddy, Lash can't stay up until 11:00.
[DOORBELL RINGS]
Who am I going to call at 4 a.m?
I know it's not perfect, but it's a start.
- Howdy.	Howdy = a word that some people use as an informal way of saying ‘hello’
- Hi.
Sorry to bother you, but I was wondering
if Willie Tanner might be in.
- Oh, speaking.
- Oh, excellent.
- FBI.
- You have the right to remain silent.	Miranda warning is a warning given by the police to criminal suspects.
- Daddy!
- What are you doing?
AGENT: Anything you say can and will...
- Mommy, make them stop.
Please! Please, leave him alone.
We'll just be a minute. Let's go, pal.	pal = informal word for “friend”
- And we'll take this too.
- No, not my chart.
- Sorry for the trouble, ma'am.
- Why are you doing this?
It's the law, ma'am.
This is what happens when someone
threatens national security.
Nice meeting you.
WILLIE: Oh, hello, Mrs. Ochmonek.
Mom, what did he do?
I don't know.
Hey, what's going on?
Daddy's been arrested.
Boy, those HBO guys mean business.	Boy! = a phrase used to express admiration or excitement
I can't believe ALF actually used
your shortwave to call the president.
WILLIE: Shh.
I don't know what happened.
All I know, somebody used my radio.
And now I'm a criminal
and they're gonna hang me.
Willie, I don't think
they hang people anymore.
But they think I'm a threat
to national security, a terrorist.
Kate...
...I'm not a terrorist.
Honey, I know that.
They fingerprinted me.	fingerprint = make the copy of one’s fingerprints
It washes right off.	wash off = remove by washing
I'm not going to prison.
I saw Midnight Express, do you remember?	Midnight Express is a 1978 prison drama film.
They made him eat bugs.
That was Papillon.	Papillon is a 1973 prison drama film.
In Midnight Express, they broke his feet.
I stand corrected.	I stand corrected. = a phrase used for saying that you accept that you are wrong about something
How about Stir Crazy?	Stir Crazy is a 1980 American comedy film about down-on-their-luck friends who are given 125-year prison sentences after being framed for a bank robbery. While in prison they befriend other inmates and ultimately escape.
- That wasn't so bad.
- That was a comedy.
Willie, stop. It's obvious,
you have to tell the truth.
Well, of course, the truth.
I'll just explain it to them.
An alien took control of my radio.
"Why would he do that?" They'll ask.
And I'll say, because I wouldn't
let him use the phone.
Maybe we can clear this whole thing up
without having to tell the truth.
The truth is I never should have let ALF
anywhere near my shortwave.
Okay. Okay, maybe it was wrong of ALF
to call the president.
- Maybe?
- All right.
Okay, it was wrong.
But you have to respect him
for the way he feels about nuclear war.
I think it's commendable that he's willing	commendable = deserving praise and admiration
to send me to jail for his beliefs.
At least he cares about something other than food.
Great. Now he cares about
nuclear war and food.
Sorry, ma'am. I need a moment alone
with the alleged traitor.	alleged = supposed traitor = someone who tells secrets about their own country to a country that is its enemy
Willie, I'll be right back.
I'm gonna see what's taking that lawyer
so long. You wait here.
Right. Sorry.
Good afternoon, ALF.
I need to talk with you about this.
Just who are all these people...
...and why are they on the phone
all the time?
Watch this. It's my favorite part.
Why is Dad on TV again?
He's not. I taped it.	tape = record audio or video on tape
You taped my dad's arrest?
Yeah, thought he might like to catch it
when he gets out of the slammer.	the slammer = informal word for prison
See what he looked like when he was young.
ALF, I mean it.
Sometimes I don't understand you at all.
- Tell her, Brian.
- He's an alien.
Okay, but besides that.
Don't you get what's happened here?
My dad got arrested because of you.
Don't you even care?
I feel terrible.
He's my Willie.
My goombah.	goombah = close friend
It just doesn't seem like it sometimes.
Hey, I haven't forgotten about him.
In fact, I'm working on something right now.
All right, now look, the FBI's got him, right?
- Right.
- And who gives the orders to the FBI?
- The president, right?
- Right.
No problem.
The big guy and I are like that.
Come on, Brian, let's go spring Daddy.	spring = release from prison
May I suggest playing that black seven
off the red eight?
[PHONE BUZZES]
May I suggest
you answer the phone, Hogarth?
Yes, sir.
Air Force One.
How may I help you, sir or madam?
Oh. Hello, ALF.
Mr. DeFoe, it's him.
- Him who, Hogarth?
- It's ALF, sir.
That's not possible, we got him.
Unless there's a whole nest of them.
- Hogarth.
- Yes, sir.
A-L-F. I have
the Alabama Lunatic Fringe.	Lunatic Fringe = Lunatic fringe is a term used to characterize members of a political or social movement as extremists with eccentric or fanatical views.
Will you see if Willie Tanner's still in jail?
Yes, sir.
You might try that four of spades
on the five of diamonds.
Just place the call and trace this one.
Placing and tracing, sir.
DeFoe, here.
Yo, DeFoe. Remember me?
How about putting the chief on?	put smb on (the telephone) = to pass the telephone to someone so they can speak to the person you have been talking to Wait a minute, Mum, I’ll put Joe on.
I'm sorry, he's indisposed.
You mean,
he's in the bathroom again.
That's classified.	classified = classified information is officially secret and allowed to be known by only a few people connected with the government or armed forces
- What do you want now?
- Listen, no offense...
...but last time we talked,
things got all messed up.	messed up = complicated
I'll call back when he's out.
No, no.
I'll see what I can do.
Hello, sir.
I'm sorry to bother you in there,
but we have this little situation.
I wonder if you could talk to someone
while we trace his call?
Yes, sir, on the phone.
Thank you, sir. Line 2.
Line 2, sir.
One more.
Count from the left.
There you go.
PRESIDENT REAGAN:
Hello.
Listen, I know you're a busy guy, so I'll make this brief.
Willie Tanner is in jail and I think it's my fault.
- 0h, really?
- Yeah, he's innocent.
He didn't call you, I did.
Goodness.
- This sounds pretty complicated.
- Yeah, but it shouldn't have been.
You see, all I wanted to do
was talk to you about your bombs.
Oh, now look, you're not gonna bring up
the Bonzo films again.	Bedtime for Bonzo is a 1951 comedy film starring future U.S. President Ronald Reagan. It is about a professor teaching a chimpanzee.
I was under contract. I had no choice.
No, no, no. Not those bombs.
The nuclear ones.
We've only got one planet,
so why don't you and the Russkies...	the Russkies = (offensive) the Russians
...ease up a little, will you?	ease up = become more friendly to each other
I'm, uh... I'm sure we'll do...
... everything we can.
Hope I haven't oversimplified the problem.
Hold on.	Hold on = do not hang up the phone
They did?
Goody, thank you.
Mr. ALF? We're sending someone around right now...
... to follow up on this thing.	follow up on = to check on the work someone has done
You just sit tight, okay?
You too.
Loved Patti's book.	Patti Davis is an Americsan actress and author. She is the daughter of Ronald and Nancy Reagan. She was widely criticized for her first novel, "Home Front", published in 1986.
Perfect. They're on their way.
Perfect?
They're not coming here to help.
They're coming here to arrest us
like they arrested Daddy.
Brian, Brian get a grip.	get a grip = control your emotions and stay calm
You think your old buddy ALF
would get his family in hot water...	in hot water = in trouble
...if he didn't have a foolproof backup plan?	foolproof = a foolproof method, plan, or system is so well designed that it cannot go wrong or is certain to succeed
- Sure.
- Of course he would.
But this time, I have a plan.
FBI! Freeze!	Freeze! = Don’t move!
Wait a minute.
Who are you?
Me? I'm ALF.
ALF Tanner.
You're ALF?
- How old are you?
- Six.
- But I'm going on 7.
- I thought I heard someone.
Good afternoon.
Good to see you again.
Doing something different with your hair?
What are you doing here?
Brian, what's going on here?
Brian?
- I thought his name was ALF.
- ALF?
What do you mean, his name is ALF?
[BRIAN CLEARS THROAT]
Oh, ALF.
Yes. Yes, of course, it is.
I mean, his real name is Brian...
...but we call him ALF, for short.
Kind of a pet name.	pet name = an informal friendly name for a friend or member of your family
Ma'am, were you aware that ALF	be aware (of smth) = know, be informed
was using this radio equipment?
Well, no, I was not aware.
But, yes, I am becoming aware of it now.
Brian, what did we say about calling the president?
- I don't know.
- We said not until after your homework.
Oh, right.
Surely, you don't think an innocent little child like this...
...could be a threat
to national security?
Well, ma'am...
Would you excuse us for a minute, please?
What do you think?
- About what?
- About what she just said.
Could national security be threatened by a 6-year-old?
Well, he's going on 7.
Still. The president would not want us to arrest a little kid.
It would embarrass everybody.
Then, we shouldn't do it.
Excuse me, are you arresting my son?
Not at this point in time, ma'am.
Thank goodness.
What about releasing my husband?
I'm afraid we'll have to call the president on that.
I'll call him for you.
ALF.
No problem.
KATE: Here we go. Reach in there.	Here we go. = an expression used when something is about to begin or arrive. reach in = to stick one's hand into something to grasp something: Bob reached into the cookie jar and found it empty.
WILLIE: Let's see.
WILLIE: Oh.
KATE: Oh.
A Presidential Commendation.	Presidential Commendation = an official prize given by President to someone who has done something very good or brave
Isn't that wonderful?
"To Brian 'ALF' Tanner...
...for exposing gaps in national security...
...and for his concern about world peace...
...which is something
that I'm in favor of myself."	be in favor of = support
LYNN:
All right, Brian. Way to go.	Way to go. = used for telling someone that they have done something well, or that you are proud of their achievement: Way to go, Mary! Keep up the good work.
"I'm reminded of my humble beginnings...	humble = from a low social class
...when I built a crystal set...	crystal set = a crystal radio receiver, also called a crystal set or cat's whisker receiver, is a very simple radio receiver, popular in the early days of radio.
...in the basement of my parents' home
in Illinois... ...or Iowa."
Hey, can you hold it down?	hold it down =limit the amount of something (noise, music)
- My show is coming on.
- What's the matter with you?
Oh, nothing.
It's not like I had something to do with that plaque myself.	have something to do with = to be connected with plaque = a flat piece of metal or stone that is hung on a wall or building for decoration, or to give information
Oh, I'm so sorry.
I feel terrible.
Didn't I thank you?
Did I not say thanks...
...for subjecting me	subject someone to something = to make someone experience something unpleasant
to public humiliation...	humiliation = something that makes you feel very embarrassed and ashamed
...for almost costing me my job...
...for landing me in jail,	land smb in [a place] = to cause someone to be in an unpleasant situation or place: She landed up in hospital with a broken leg.
for subjecting me...
Hold that thought, will you, William?
The show is on.
Larry's discussing the Middle East crisis...
...with Muammar al-Qaddafi and Charo.	Muammar al-Qaddafi was a Libyan revolutionary and politician who governed Libya as its primary leader from 1969 to 2011. Charo is a Spanish-American actress, comedian, and flamenco guitarist. She is best known for her flamboyant stage presence, her provocative outfits, and her trademark phrase, "cuchi-cuchi".
Daddy, about the phone.
I know. I had a lot of time to think in jail...
...and I decided it's probably worth
the $25, or whatever, for your own line.
Oh, Daddy, thanks.
Yeah, that's swell.	swell = (American English) very good
Make it a Princess, will you?
It's not for you. It's for her.
What are you getting me?
I'm getting you your own toothbrush.
Why?
Never mind. You'll thank me.
Yo, Charo.
[SPEAKS SPANISH]